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Mar. 16th, 2007 06:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
quirestiI think I want to find a job or program for a couple of months in the spring in southeast Asia. Laos sounds interesting.
So twice a week I take 5-6 5th graders into the Learning Center to have them do a typing program. This is rather boring, so I've started going through the program myself. This is the first post I've ever typed without looking at the keyboard once, and while I'm still making a number of mistakes, I'm not really that much slower than I was when I had to watch my hands. So Yay for finally figuring out/fully memorizing the keyboard. Wouldn't my middle school typing teacher be so proud? (Seriously, I barely remember that class and I can't even remember if the teacher was male or female.)
Also, today at team meeting we had a risk management discussion about what people choose to do on their time off and how that reflects on the team and so. It was incredibly uncomfortable. There was a serious division between the people who think that you should be able to do whatever you want (as long as it's legal) on your time off, and the people who realize that not only will you be judged for what you do, but the associations will rub off on your team-mates and the program as a whole. And I kindof was trying play peace-maker because I saw good points on both sides and really didn't want to this to devolve into something that affects people outside of the discussion, but it kindof left both sides assuming I was on their side and me being concerned about them feeling I was on the opposite side. I mean, one of the girls made a point about not living her life by what other people might decide to say about her (or might not) and I agree that you can't change yourself to try and head off gossip because it doesn't work and it just makes you unhappy. Plus, it isn't fair to be judged during your leisure time by professional standards. But, there is a huge difference between living in a city where you can have some anonymity when you go out and living in a rural area where everyone is going to hear about everything you do. People have been complaining about feeling like they're living in a fish bowl and I tried to point out that it's not just us; everyone who lives in Morton has to deal with that. It's just how small towns work. And then during lunch, a few people (I'm torn between saying that "they went off on" or that "they expressed concern") about what they feel is a serious drinking problem two of the girls had and how they think it might be connected to depression and they want to go to our supervisors with their concerns. And I made some comments, because I am occasionally uncomfortable with the amount that they drink, but that's mostly just my own thing with not drinking more than that I feel they drink more than other people I know. But then, New Mexico youth are not particularly famed for their sobriety. Whatever, the conversation just made me very uncomfortable, just for the way it seems like we're talking behind their backs and we are making judgements, and I really feel like I'm on both sides of this conflict and no matter what I do its wrong, including stepping aside and doing nothing. I want to support my friends and they're all right in their own ways and I don't know what to do that won't blow up in my face. I really hate that.
Also I worked 140 hours in the past two weeks and I'm kind of exhausted and frustrated. I think I want to be a teacher but I'm not entirely sure I'd really be good at this teaching thing. I'm feeling overwhelmed and I love the kids but I'm not really all that great at being in control of them or at teaching them in ways that really keeps they're interest. And I'm feeling a little cut off from any support because my team-mates are nice but I just don't really feel comfortable talking to them all the time, especially about stuff like this, especially when they're so busy in their own lives. Really I think I just hate March.
So that wasn't particularly coherent, but yay for catharsis! And if you got enough out of it to offer comments or suggestions, go for it. I'd appreciate it.
So twice a week I take 5-6 5th graders into the Learning Center to have them do a typing program. This is rather boring, so I've started going through the program myself. This is the first post I've ever typed without looking at the keyboard once, and while I'm still making a number of mistakes, I'm not really that much slower than I was when I had to watch my hands. So Yay for finally figuring out/fully memorizing the keyboard. Wouldn't my middle school typing teacher be so proud? (Seriously, I barely remember that class and I can't even remember if the teacher was male or female.)
Also, today at team meeting we had a risk management discussion about what people choose to do on their time off and how that reflects on the team and so. It was incredibly uncomfortable. There was a serious division between the people who think that you should be able to do whatever you want (as long as it's legal) on your time off, and the people who realize that not only will you be judged for what you do, but the associations will rub off on your team-mates and the program as a whole. And I kindof was trying play peace-maker because I saw good points on both sides and really didn't want to this to devolve into something that affects people outside of the discussion, but it kindof left both sides assuming I was on their side and me being concerned about them feeling I was on the opposite side. I mean, one of the girls made a point about not living her life by what other people might decide to say about her (or might not) and I agree that you can't change yourself to try and head off gossip because it doesn't work and it just makes you unhappy. Plus, it isn't fair to be judged during your leisure time by professional standards. But, there is a huge difference between living in a city where you can have some anonymity when you go out and living in a rural area where everyone is going to hear about everything you do. People have been complaining about feeling like they're living in a fish bowl and I tried to point out that it's not just us; everyone who lives in Morton has to deal with that. It's just how small towns work. And then during lunch, a few people (I'm torn between saying that "they went off on" or that "they expressed concern") about what they feel is a serious drinking problem two of the girls had and how they think it might be connected to depression and they want to go to our supervisors with their concerns. And I made some comments, because I am occasionally uncomfortable with the amount that they drink, but that's mostly just my own thing with not drinking more than that I feel they drink more than other people I know. But then, New Mexico youth are not particularly famed for their sobriety. Whatever, the conversation just made me very uncomfortable, just for the way it seems like we're talking behind their backs and we are making judgements, and I really feel like I'm on both sides of this conflict and no matter what I do its wrong, including stepping aside and doing nothing. I want to support my friends and they're all right in their own ways and I don't know what to do that won't blow up in my face. I really hate that.
Also I worked 140 hours in the past two weeks and I'm kind of exhausted and frustrated. I think I want to be a teacher but I'm not entirely sure I'd really be good at this teaching thing. I'm feeling overwhelmed and I love the kids but I'm not really all that great at being in control of them or at teaching them in ways that really keeps they're interest. And I'm feeling a little cut off from any support because my team-mates are nice but I just don't really feel comfortable talking to them all the time, especially about stuff like this, especially when they're so busy in their own lives. Really I think I just hate March.
So that wasn't particularly coherent, but yay for catharsis! And if you got enough out of it to offer comments or suggestions, go for it. I'd appreciate it.
